I love this. It makes me laugh and cry and really symbolizes everything thing wonderful and terrible about life. Hope, excitement, longing, love, and sadness. Life is all these things. And. Life is short. If you look at the clock as the minutes tick away it seems to go slowly. I look in the mirror these days and I see gray hairs. My hands are beginning to hurt. I never knew that age crept up so quickly.
The other night I was washing Fiona's back in the tub because she was under the weather. My hands felt the back of a big kid. Gone are those tiny bones I used to wrestle with in the soapy suds. She felt so sturdy and solid. She felt so close to being big enough to not need me in the same ways she has up until now. It made me feel a little bit sad.
I look at baby pictures of Mackenzie and so much of her babyhood feels like such a blur to me. We've been struggling so much for so long that time goes by and we don't even see it happen. Four years are gone. Not gone in the sense that I didn't experience anything and have nothing to show for it. Gone in that her tiny bones are growing as fast as Fiona's and I may have missed some of it while I was out and about searching for answers.
For 3 years I have wanted to have a tattoo of cherry blossoms done on my back. I have saved the money twice and have had to spend it on vet bills and other more responsible things. I think it is time for me to allow myself to do this for myself. Cherry blossoms. A small reminder of the brevity of life.
In a few weeks, I will turn 40. I met my husband 19 years ago. I have taught for 15 years. I have lived in Hawaii for almost 13 years. I have been a mother for 7 years. I have been the mother of a special needs child for 4 years. The years have been full and wonderful. But they are going very fast. What am I waiting for? And really, what are we all waiting for? Nike says, Just Do It. Perhaps it is good advice.
Carpe Diem! Over 43 years ago, my whole life changed when your husband was born. Then 3 years later, another joy came into my life. 3 years later, I was blessed with the LAST. I remember all of those years but they went by so fast. I can remember when Brian came home from the Hospital. I took a picture of his Mom holding him and there was a golden glow around them. It is imbedended in my brain to this day. How did this happen so long ago.
ReplyDeleteFor so many years when I go into a store and see young parents, I always tell them to treasure every moment with their children because, when they turn around, they are grown. How does life go so slowly every day, but each year is just a moment?
Just recently, I looked into the mirror and saw this old fart staring back at me. Who was he? Twasn't me. Then I realized it was me. CARPE DIEM! Make every moment important, because before you realize it, there are no more moments.
Love
Bill