Parenting is really hard. Only because as your child gets older and wiser, life gets busier. You get to a point where you actually have to make sure you are paying attention to the little things that happen that shape the relationship you have with your child.
A typical morning here starts with one or both of my children being angry at me. Angry because they are cold, tired, or both. And it is my fault they are getting out of their bed. My good morning kiss on the forehead is met with growling and some sort of not-so-friendly reciprocal physical contact. I have learned to say good morning and run away to make myself a cup of tea before the war begins.
The battle over what to wear. Door slam. The battle over the clothes being too tight and she hates the way they feel. Door slam. The battle over me reminding her every 10 minutes that she is going to miss breakfast. Door slam.
I am trying to be as assertive as I can. As consistent as I can be. As patient as I can be. It is not uncommon for me to stand outside her door for a minute reminding myself that I am the parent before opening the door to remind her as well. Sometimes there is no appropriate punishment for the irrational behavior of a child who is becoming her own person. But. There are privileges that children who slam doors aren't mature enough to have. Don't forget that. Children are not entitled to the toys and crap they have all over their floor. They are entitled to a safe home, food, clothing, and love. Not iPads.
Those moments where you feel that you are losing control of the situation. Step back. Take a breath. Then get back in there and take back the control. She'll only get it if you give it to her.
Children who scream and cry and yell mean things at you must be really tired. They should go to bed early so they can catch up on some sleep. After all, only tired kids behave that way.
Don't be afraid to walk away from a boogie board at the beach that she refuses to carry. Remind her that another child will be happy to find it and then keep walking. Don't look back. Don't. She'll pick it up. If in the slight chance she leaves it there. Too bad for her.
Let her go to bed hungry. You told her to eat and she chose not to. Don't cave in and give her a bowl of cereal before bed. You provided her a warm meal and she chose to play around. She won't starve. The growling belly is a good reminder for her tomorrow.
At the end of the day when all situations have been diffused and all is right in the world again, resist the urge to let her stay up later and snuggle with you. As much as it makes you sad to do it...remind her that she lost 20 minutes of her evening from her behavior earlier and hold her to it.
I sometimes feel powerless against the monster of childhood but I'm not. I'm OK with being hated in the morning. By mid day I'm "the best mom ever" again and I have a couple tally marks up on the score board of motherhood. I am definitely keeping score. I'm gonna win this one because when mom and dad win, the world is full of much better people.
Be the change you want to see in your parenting.
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