Kicks, Cries, and Video Tapes

Do any of you watch Parenthood?  Brian and I are ALWAYS years late when it comes to watching shows.  We watch all of our shows on DVDs and are always behind.  So, we are currently in the first of four seasons of this show.  We've watched only a handful of episodes.  I can't stop thinking about it.  Every time I watch it- I relate to Adam and Kristina. It is hard for me to watch them deal with their son Max who sometimes reminds me of Mack.  Yes, I know it is fiction.  Ours isn't- so it sometimes is hard for me to watch.

Mid December we decided to begin a Ritalin trial with Mack. I carried the prescription around in my purse for a week before I filled it.  It was all wrinkled and sad when I handed it to the pharmacist- who turned out to be someone I know which felt awkward.  Then, it took me two days to find the "right" time to do it because we didn't know what to expect.  I gave her the first dose on a Sunday morning and watched.  She was a bit agitated but for the first couple hours, she was as active as ever.  Then.  Three hours after the dose- she began running. And running. It was a very intense run. I video taped it so I could show the doctor.

A few days went by when we went to see her therapist.  I showed her the video as proof of how well/not well the meds were working.  After watching the video she asked if we have ever talked about Autism. Gulp.  She noted the way Mack was running in the video and asked if I had other videos.  She asked if Mack does other repetitive things.  Um, yes. Gulp.  

I began video taping.  Play dates. Lining up chocolate chips on the table before eating. Spinning.  Rocking herself to sleep. Hitting the table incessantly. Little things that I have always seen and wondered about but now feel a bit worried about.  Funny because when you know these things about your child, it is just who they are.  When you video tape them purposely and then watch them.  It's kinda weird.  

I have no idea what will come of the testing.  Really, it won't change anything.  Mackenzie is a handful.  And, Ritalin didn't help.  So, ever onward.  If she is found to be on the spectrum, she'll qualify for some help.  That's a good thing for all of us.  Most likely she will test well as usual and won't qualify for anything.  Then we'll be back to where we have been for a long time.  Stickers, Skittle Moons, and deep breaths.  

Many many many deep breaths.