We're sitting with Mack's therapist the other day discussing her behavior and her behavior management plan. She now gets a "Skittle Moon" (half a skittle) each time she listens to us on the first time. Yes, it is like a Scooby Snack. Of course I am uncomfortable with handing her a candy every time she listens. The doctor informed us that she feels that Mack's problems are not solely behavior based. She doesn't really feel that an ADHD diagnosis is where we are headed. She thinks we are dealing with a brain based disorder. Ug. It was weird to hear that even though we already knew it. I have been expecting ADHD. I have been focusing so much on her behavior that I haven't really stopped to think about what is causing it. She made me think.
TBI. Traumatic Brain Injury. We've heard those words a lot lately. She has had a CT scan that showed two areas of brain injury and I never really did any research once I found that out. I usually read everything I can about those kinds of things. The scan showed an injury in her frontal lobe and some softening of the brain. The frontal lobe is the area of the brain where impulsivity, emotion, judgement, social, and motor function live. It totally makes sense to me now. We have been dealing with her symptoms for so long that I never stopped to look where it is all coming from.
Neuroplasticity refers to the ability to reshape or mold the brain. Luckily, we have this on our side. Mack is young and with training we will be able to help her learn the correct way to behave and in essence reshape her brain. I think this is amazing. We were told by her pediatrician that she would develop around her brain injury and that we would see areas where she would excel as her brain compensates for the injury. Her personality is proof of that. Now, we wade through the tedious process of rewarding her every time she behaves appropriately and hope to help make those behaviors more routine.
We always hope she is going to be OK. On the outside she is just fine. We see strange behaviors all the time that I hope will disappear so she will grow up to be a fairly "normal" kid who has no social challenges. As it is now, she is different. Not all the time. Not in all groups. When we have play dates- I can really see it. She just behaves so differently and I'm a bit sensitive to it.
Even though Fiona thinks it is totally unfair, I am hoping that with every Skittle Moon... we are closer to helping Mackenzie with her struggles.
We have seen Mack's new therapist twice now. I really like her. I like her pale yellow office. Mack likes her dollhouse and Fi was pretty stoked that she had a copy of Fantastic Mr. Fox last week. Most of all, I like that she sees our problem. Finally someone does.
Brian is on the mainland right now and when he called me tonight I was able to say something I don't normally get to say. IT WAS A GREAT NIGHT. Hold on I'm going to say it one more time...IT WAS A GREAT NIGHT. Oooh I like how that sounds. A great night because we made a small change. The therapist decided to help us face our family challenge by starting with Fiona and her challenge with Mackenzie.
As you know, Fiona is one of Mack's triggers. Fiona puts the mother in smother. She admits that she just wants to glue herself to Mackenzie. Therein lies the problem. So we have been instructed to help Fiona see that the painful love she gets back from Mackenzie can be prevented by giving her space. We are to reward Fiona each time we notice her giving Mackenzie room to expand. I came up with the idea of "Space Bucks" which are paper dollars Fiona can accumulate for prizes as she earns them. I explained the idea and Fiona was very excited. She was, however, not happy about the name. She decided that because she has such a loving relationship with bacon, they should be called "Bacon Bucks".
I printed out 50 bucks on the back of fancy paper which she cut out with wavy scissors. The fancy scalloped edges are supposed to make the paper look like bacon of course. Fiona and I then brainstormed some ideas for what she could spend her Bacon Bucks on. Five bucks can buy time playing a game with us or a special snack in her lunch. Ten bucks can buy a dress up session in mom's clothes or having her fingers and toes painted. Fifteen bucks can buy a baking session, a smoothie, a park visit, or choosing what the family will have for dinner. Twenty can buy a hike. Twenty five can buy a picnic with a friend. Thirty is a goodie from Claire's boutique. For a whopping 40 she can have a movie date or dinner in a restaurant. Now- don't think that she has to wait until she has 40. That would take too long and the connection to behavior would be lost. I will be keeping an additional cumulative record of her earnings and though she is spending them frequently, when she has earned a total of 40 she can also claim a big activity. She is really excited about this.
Seven times now I have seen Fiona ask Mack if she can hug her and listen when she is told no. I have seen her sit near Mack and not on top of her. I have seen them share the same space peacefully. I was able to tell my husband that we had a good night. I think she is saving up for 10 so she can have her fingernails painted. She is feeling good again. She is being noticed for giving Mack space instead of being scolded for being in Mack's space. She hasn't hit me for 2 days.
Parenting is the art of cooking good kids. We trade recipes. Why not trade recipes for good kids? And really, bacon makes everything taste better.
This reward idea is taken from The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child.
