Bacon Bucks

We have seen Mack's new therapist twice now.  I really like her.  I like her pale yellow office.  Mack likes her dollhouse and Fi was pretty stoked that she had a copy of Fantastic Mr. Fox last week.  Most of all, I like that she sees our problem.  Finally someone does. 


Brian is on the mainland right now and when he called me tonight I was able to say something I don't normally get to say.  IT WAS A GREAT NIGHT.  Hold on I'm going to say it one more time...IT WAS A GREAT NIGHT.  Oooh I like how that sounds.  A great night because we made a small change.  The therapist decided to help us face our family challenge by starting with Fiona and her challenge with Mackenzie.


As you know, Fiona is one of Mack's triggers.  Fiona puts the mother in smother.  She admits that she just wants to glue herself to Mackenzie.  Therein lies the problem.  So we have been instructed to help Fiona see that the painful love she gets back from Mackenzie can be prevented by giving her space.  We are to reward Fiona each time we notice her giving Mackenzie room to expand.  I came up with the idea of "Space Bucks" which are paper dollars Fiona can accumulate for prizes as she earns them.  I explained the idea and Fiona was very excited.  She was, however, not happy about the name.  She decided that because she has such a loving relationship with bacon, they should be called "Bacon Bucks".  


I printed out 50 bucks on the back of fancy paper which she cut out with wavy scissors.  The fancy scalloped edges are supposed to make the paper look like bacon of course. Fiona and I then brainstormed some ideas for what she could spend her Bacon Bucks on.  Five bucks can buy time playing a game with us or a special snack in her lunch. Ten bucks can buy a dress up session in mom's clothes or having her fingers and toes painted. Fifteen bucks can buy a baking session, a smoothie, a park visit, or choosing what the family will have for dinner. Twenty can buy a hike. Twenty five can buy a picnic with a friend. Thirty is a goodie from Claire's boutique. For a whopping 40 she can have a movie date or dinner in a restaurant.  Now- don't think that she has to wait until she has 40.  That would take too long and the connection to behavior would be lost.  I will be keeping an additional cumulative record of her earnings and though she is spending them frequently, when she has earned a total of 40 she can also claim a big activity. She is really excited about this.

 Seven times now I have seen Fiona ask Mack if she can hug her and listen when she is told no.  I have seen her sit near Mack and not on top of her.  I have seen them share the same space peacefully.  I was able to tell my husband that we had a good night.  I think she is saving up for 10 so she can have her fingernails painted.  She is feeling good again.  She is being noticed for giving Mack space instead of being scolded for being in Mack's space.  She hasn't hit me for 2 days.  

Parenting is the art of cooking good kids.  We trade recipes.  Why not trade recipes for good kids?   And really, bacon makes everything taste better.


This reward idea is taken from The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child.