I am a punching bag.
I actually got punched in the stomach yesterday by the same little bug who grew so comfortably in there almost 7 years ago. When your baby hits you with angry fists, you can either react with anger or cry because you can't stand to know that something is hurting her so much that she feels the need to punish you. I did both.
The battles have always been here. She is full of passion and has always been that way. I'm used to it. I am a step ahead most days. Now, the stresses of helping Mackenzie navigate the world have taken a toll on her. Fiona is carrying an incredibly heavy load as a big sister. As I have whined about before- I too feel a heavy load. So now as I am short tempered, tired, and not quite the most respectful mom I can be to Fiona, I am seeing the same from her.
I have gotten positive parenting suggestions that are helping me talk more respectfully to her. Honestly, ask yourself how respectful you are to your child on most days. I am not as respectful as I should be. I wouldn't say that I am a total bitch- but close. Not all the time. Would I want to have someone talk to me the way I bark at her sometimes? No. Fi wants to be in the middle of everything Mack does and I know it sets Mack off. To avoid Mack's tailspin I nag at Fiona to leave her alone. This makes Fi feel like she can't be a part of what is happening. And so it goes. Every day. I would love to have an evening where my kids bathe together and then snuggle up for the same book. I can't and have come to terms with that. They bathe separate for Fi's safety and then I ask Fi to stay out of Mack's room while I get her ready for bed because Mack is super impulsive and hyper that I can't get her ready with any distractions. All of this translates into, Mommy doesn't want me around and only spends time with my sister so I think I should punch her in the stomach and show her I am mad.
We are working with a therapist to help us parent Mackenzie and hopefully she will also help Fi learn to better relate to her. I am also very aware of what I need to change and am trying.
I am not a doormat. I am not a mean mom.
I am not a punching bag.
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