The Alphabetic Principle of Parenting

Always keep a potty in your car.
Be aware that your boobs will never be the same. Buy expensive bras.
Consistency is what will save you. Say it. Mean it. Every time.
Date night is a myth. Sitting together in the mess at 9:00pm is sometimes enough.
Eating cold food while standing is just how it is.
Follow your instincts. You'll find you're often right.
Grocery shopping is much easier if you go alone. Buy chocolate and eat it in the car.
Holy Shit will be her first words if you're not careful.
Invest time in training your child to sleep independently. Best thing I've ever done.
Jokes told by 5 year olds are hilarious...but only to them.
Keep a journal for your kids.
Lock the bathroom door if you want to avoid questions.
Make pancakes and bacon for dinner often.
Nap time is sacred. Attack if someone wakes your child. Husband included.
Own a plunger, a carpet cleaning machine, and a wet/dry shop vac.
Praying for bed time is not a sin.
Quiet can be dangerous.
Routines will save you.
Shots are less scary if you know ice cream follows every time.
Toilet paper is less likely to be pulled all over the bathroom if you hang it backwards.
Underwear worn backwards are still underwear. If it doesn't bug them, don't worry.
Vegetables aren't so bad with ranch dressing.
Wipes aren't only for babies.
X-Rays will happen. Probably more frequently if you have a boy.
Yes can be changed to no at any time. You're the parent. Say that out loud.
Ziploc bags aren't just for frozen steak anymore.