Those little feet I see peeking up above the table I am writing on will once be the same feet that will pace the hallway of the house she can barely afford while she soothes her little one who is up for the 5th time with a fever. Those same feet will step on stray legos in the same hallway. Those feet will have toenails painted different colors by the tiny little artist who paints mine now. She will will learn how to use her feet like hands. She will be able to hold a baby and pick up a blankie without bending over. Feet become very important to a mother.
The little legs which now have mosquito bites and kid bruises will be the same legs that will carry her at breakneck speed to the edge of the pool before her little one decides to walk off into the deep end. The legs that will have veins that appeared during pregnancy and won't go away. The legs that will not be shaven for weeks once a baby monopolizes her time. She will use those legs to sway and bounce for hours trying to get her baby to sleep. Her kids will grow and she'll find that she still swings and sways while she stands in line at the bank. A mother can never change back. You are programed to soothe.
Her adorable little baby belly that pokes out from her size 2T shirts will one day stretch to a size that a human cannot fathom that a stomach can grow to. She has no idea that one day her cute little belly button will grow outward to a flattie or even more of an outie than she has now. That little tummy she is stuffing crackers into as I type will one day be the home to my grandchild. I shudder at the thought...but still see the magic that may await in that same belly.
Her tiny little breasts will sustain life. I will always be in awe of the ability for a mother to be the sole source of food for a growing baby. Once she begins breast feeding her baby, she will never remember the breasts she used to have. I haven't breastfed a child for 4 years and I still get the "let down" feeling every so often. I love that it still happens. It is like a tiny little reminder of the gift I gave my children.
Her hairy little arms she uses to prop herself up on in front of the TV will one day become a nest for her baby. She will use her arms to support her tired little soldier and to pin him/her down while she tries to brush teeth. She will use her arms as a seat belt when they stop fast in the car. Her arms will have bruises and scratches when her baby decides to grow horns. Her arms will open instinctively when she hears, "Mommy hold you."
She has the tiniest little hands and the dirtiest finger nails now. And...what she doesn't know is that one day she is going to sit on the couch and realize that the "stuff" she cleaned out from her nails is baby poop. She is going to have to get used to having hands that are so chapped because she washes them 800 times a day. Her nails will be ragged and unpainted. She will have the ability to untie any knot, open any zipper, sew on buttons, reattach bunny ears on stuffed bunnies, peel gum from hair, find earrings in the carpet, dig through the trash for retainers, and stroke soft hair just right. Her hands will be able to point in such a way that no words need to be spoken and things will get done.
That blue smudge I mentioned before will become yesterday's mascara, or this morning's sweet potatoes, or spit up, or if she has a boy...well, I'll make sure she learns to cover up for diaper changes. She will get used to seeing herself without make up on. She will have puffy eyes and dark circles and people in public will comment on how much she needs a nap. She will also smile in a way she never has before. She will learn to smile from her soul because once you hold a miracle in your arms, there is no other way to smile.
She cries now when she can't watch TV. She cries when her sister won't share. She cries for the silliest little things. One day she is going to cry when she sees her baby for the first time. She is going to cry for no apparent reason. She is going to cry when she watches TV. She is going to cry during fabric softener commercials. She is going to cry when her baby does his/her first everything. She is going to cry when you decorate the tree on Christmas. She is going to cry because she hasn't slept in three days and her legs are so hairy she can braid them. She is going to cry because she is wearing her maternity pants and the baby is 5 months old. She is going to become emotional in a way that only a mother could. We cry because we see the beauty that sometimes maybe only a mother can see. I don't mind. It's a small price to pay for this type of enlightenment.
Everything about me has changed since I have had children. I will spare my readers some of the details. I find it really frustrating sometimes to be an emotional mess. I have a hard time with some of the changes my body has made that I cannot fix. But really...I find it amazing that I can enter a room and small children run to me and climb up into my arms. They call for me when they are scared. I can fix anything just by carrying the title, "Mom". I feel truly blessed to have been born with a uterus. I love that the two most important people in my life will also get this privilege.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Use it to thank your mother for going through all of the changes she has to bring you into this world. Remind yourself that your mom used to be a normal person who remembered things and didn't cry for no reason. I know that I am thankful for my mother every day. She knows why, or at least I hope she does.
