4 Years of a Macktastic Life

I conceived Mackenzie in the spring of 2008.  Fiona was going to be a big sister and that was so exciting.  By the 6th week of pregnancy I began bleeding and I expected to m/c shortly after.  But I didn't.  We had an ultrasound where Brian and I sat on the edge of our seats waiting to see nothing.  There she was.  Every beat of that little heart- a miracle.  By week 14 I was on bedrest and like the first time we thought we lost her, there she was fighting like crazy. At week 25 she decided she wanted to come.  Off I went to Oahu where I spent the next 9 weeks in bed.  I was carrying a little girl that lived through the impossible.  We knew she was strong.  We knew how hard she was fighting.  She needed a tough name.  Mack.

Mack came at 34 weeks on October 27, 2008.  Three pounds eleven ounces of tiny, furry, and fragile love.  Almost too hard to look at because your heart hurt too bad. But.  It wasn't sad.  She'd already survived what we thought was the worst and so we waited until she could suck on her own and we took her home. It has been 4 years.  I thought I wouldn't survive those 9 weeks away from Brian and Fiona.  Now- four years later I see that I did. Maybe it was her strength I used. 

Mack has come with challenges that we wrestle with every day nearly every minute.  She takes a lot of preparation and prompting.  She needs lots of wipes and soap.  She is sticky and messy and fussy about smells and messes.  She is quick to flip out and hard to calm.  She is noisy and dangerous.  She is impulsive and hyperactive.  She is larger than life.

However.

Mack is gorgeous.  Her blue eyes shine like an ocean that I could swim in forever.  Her soft, buttery hair gets stuck in the corners of her mouth when she laughs. And her laugh.  I can't even explain how it sounds.  She is life.  She is someone who has taught me what patience is and what it can be.  She has taught me tolerance.  She has taught me that one doesn't have to win a medal to be an olympian.  She shows me that there are hurdles you can't run around.  You have to find a way to get over them.  And you can. 

We struggle.  Every day.  Being Mackenzie Rose's family is no easy feat.  But I think we do it well. We're going to figure it all out.  Eventually.  

Tomorrow we will celebrate her 4th birthday.  It has been 4 years since she came to this earth to take us on a 4WD ride of our lives.  I would change things to make them easier if I could...but what if her challenges are what make her become an amazingly strong and empathetic human being?  Perhaps it is all in her plan.  Regardless- it is life.  We're helping her live it.  Or maybe it's the other way around.