Reciprocity

Fiona is one of the most amazing souls I know. She has such a big heart full of compassion for others. She loves her sister so much. She tries every day to feel that same love from Mackenzie. Mackenzie loves Fiona in a different way. Not less...just more distantly. Mackenzie does not want to be hugged. She does not want Fiona to hold her unless it is her idea. This breaks Fiona's heart every day. It breaks my heart every day to see Fiona so sad because she feels rejected.

Last summer at one of our Mack meetings, we discussed Mackenzie's triggers. Sadly, Fiona is one of them. Fiona tries so incredibly hard that she drives Mackenzie over the edge. When I wake Mack in the morning, she only wants me in her room. If Fi walks in and tries to hug Mack, she gets smacked in the face and her hair pulled. I remind Fi daily that Mack needs some time before she is hugged. Nevertheless, she comes in for the hug and smack often.

When Mack watches TV, she sits right in front of the TV on the floor. Fi has to sit within inches of her and tries to put her on her lap. Mack hates it. She hates to be touched like that. She smacks Fi, throws her water bottle at the TV, throws the dog bone which hits Fi in the cheek and now they are both crying. Fiona is again sad because she is unwanted. I am sad too.

Brian and I struggle with dealing with these interactions. We have to punish Mackenzie for her behavior and yet she was provoked. We have to punish Fiona when we know she oversteps her bounds knowingly and creates a volatile situation. It feels so unfair to do to Mack and so unfair to Fiona.

I can see that this is wearing on Fiona. She is a very loved girl. The sun rises and sets in Fiona as far as I am concerned. I tell her that constantly. She doesn't want to hear it from me. She wants to hear it from Mackenzie. The days are few and far between where Mack will seek out physical contact with Fiona. When those moments happen, I am such a happy mama. When I can see Fiona with Mackenzie sitting on her lap happily or a mutual hug, I see a future where they can be best friends like we all hope our kids are. I don't want Fi to grow up resentful of Mackenzie's lack of attachment to her. I know things will change at some point. By the time Mack is ready, Fi will be way too cool to hang with her sissy. Then Mack can feel left out and we'll all be messed up and yet balanced.