Judy Moody

When you have a baby you fully expect to lose your pre-baby body.  I expected the lack of sleep.  I knew that life would change.  What I didn't know is that I was going to become a lunatic at the drop of a hat.  This didn't happen right away.  It happened after I had Mack.  Coincidence- perhaps.  Age- perhaps.  Reality- definitely.  I am now moody...not all the time...but often enough that it drives me nuts.

I know it is related to my hormones which never went back to "normal" like I thought they would.  I have a couple days each month where I just drop into either the pit of despair or into a mood where I am just not happy and every single thing bugs me for no reason.  I used to be able to pinpoint what was bothering me.  Now- it's nothing and everything.  And I have no control over it.  I can't even fake a good mood for my kids' sake because they bug me and I don't even want to smile for them when I feel like this.  Exhaustion doesn't help the situation. 

I blame it on my hormones but really that doesn't help make it better.  I've been there this weekend.  Not too bad this month but definitely not myself.  I go from calm to totally annoyed in seconds.  Brushing my child's teeth is incredibly trying for me.  Having her smear yogurt on the table and her booster seat sends me over the edge.  Dealing with a difficult child when I am also acting like a difficult child is...well...difficult.  For everyone.  Poor Fiona keeps asking me if I am angry at her.  I just keep reminding her that I too have a big bubble at times and need my space.  What I really want to tell her is to get the F out of my face and leave me alone.  I feel so terrible and so irrational. 

I've thought about meds.  Not interested.  I exercise 5 days a week.  It helps.  Kenpo is awesome when you feel like punching someone in the face.  I often thank the stars that I am rational enough to not take my aggression out on my children.  I see how parents can go over the edge and overreact physically toward their children.  I am thankful for the tiny inch of sanity that I have to keep me from that because I have had moments where the time-out I give Mack is to give me time to calm down before I deal with her deal. 

I toast all you parents who get up every day and do what you do for your children.  Bad moods, headaches, illness, and such...you go on.  Because you love your children.  I love being a mama and have taken one for the team as I have given up my sanity to be one.  I would do it again in a heartbeat.