Patience

Patience is a gift. There are many kinds of patience and even those change from day to day. We start by being patient with ourselves and then we meet our soul mate. That changes into learning to be patient with another person. Once we have children, our patience morphs again into learning to be patient with yourself as a parent, your spouse as a parent, and with your children.

Brian and I endured 3 years of trying to get pregnant, 3 rounds of IVF, the heartbreaking miscarriage of our twins in the 12th week, and finally at the end of it all we met our two miracles. That was the beginning of my patience. The picture above is a scroll we first hung in Fiona's room and it now hangs in our living room. It means "Patience". We bought it at a Buddhist temple while we were in our first IVF cycle for Fiona. I had no idea what that word would mean to me at the time. I look at it every day.

Parents of special children are given an extra dose of patience the day we find out that something is not quite right inside our growing bellies. We spend the remainder of our pregnancy waiting because that is all we can do. I spent 9 weeks alone in a hospital room on my back, waiting. I then spent the first year of Mack's life waiting. Waiting to know that everything was going to be OK.

Shopping in Safeway today I heard a woman rudely comment about Mackenzie. Mack tends to have loud outbursts when she is over stimulated. She'll shout at the top of her lungs in short spurts in a way that reminds me of a child with Turrets. Our cart is full, Fiona is whining, Mack is shouting, life is interesting. I look at Brian and just laugh. I laugh because sometimes I can't believe what we do to get through our day. I laugh because 13 years ago when we got married, I had no idea how strong our bond needed to be and how it was going to be tested. For better or worse for sure.

We wait patiently for the day when we might be able to take our children on vacation. A day when Mackenzie can survive the flight and the everyday changes of being away from home. I realize that I have accepted the fact that my life is different. Not worse than I had expected- not better- just different. I have found peace in knowing that though things are more difficult they are not impossible. It may just take patience while we wait. I keep a quotation in my wallet and I read it often- This is just a moment...it is not the rest of your life.